Revvin’ For Spots 2,001 Through 2,047!: Part 1

Ever since April 17, 2021, I’ve treated The Tentative Roster page as if it were an NFL roster with 90 players on it, as that’s one of the formulas that I use in determining what movies will be a part of The Two ThouCentennial Project. And not only did I treat that page as a 90-player NFL roster because in addition, I treated that page as an NFL roster that got eventually trimmed down from 90 players to 53 players over a three-week period (August 16, 2022 through August 30, 2022), along with graduating 37 certain movies from that page to Tier 5 from this past September 13 to today, as those 37 certain movies had overall guaranteed Two ThouCentennial spots reserved for them. And of course, with some of the previous paragraph being said, the graduation of the last five certain movies (Ivansxtc., Buried Secrets, Sweet Dreams, Saved By The Bell: Hawaiian Style, Saved By The Bell: Wedding In Las Vegas) has marked The Tentative Roster page transforming from a page where 53 movies are spread across four separate sections to a page where 53 movies are all in one section as the active roster, meaning that they are all movies that are very tentatively in contention for 53 of the last 100 overall guaranteed Two ThouCentennial spots. And given all the NFL analogies that I’ve used for The Tentative Roster page, I decided to use yet another one (times 53), which is what type of NFL player would each active roster movie be.

The movies are divided up into three separate charts and each one contains an NFL player analogy.

Chart 1:

MovieWhat Kind Of NFL Player Would It Be
Go Back To ChinaA dynamic starting quarterback.
Easy SixA co-number two quarterback that is more than capable of filling in as a starter.
EvolutionSee one spot above.
The Ice Age Adventures Of Buck WildA running back that isn’t overly fast, but consistently picks up yards on the ground.
The ExpressA number two running back that is a power running back and can be utilized in short yardage situations.
BenjiA small running back that can be utilized in returning kickoffs and is an excellent pass-catching running back.
Glass JawA big and physical wide receiver that can be explosive on any given play.
The After PartyAn explosive wide receiver that can line up outside or (especially in three wide receiver sets) in the slot. 
Night OwlsA punt returning wide receiver that can be dynamic in three wide receiver sets.
Emma.A back-up wide receiver that can work well with the starting quarterback, but might not be dynamic enough to make any team.
FlickaA back-up wide receiver that can be good on special teams.
L’annualireA bottom of the depth chart wide receiver that is occasionally good at returning kickoffs.
Love And HostagesA dynamic tight end that plays like a wide receiver at times.
The Truth About LoveAnother dynamic tight end that is also versatile enough to play wide receiver, fullback, running back and quarterback.
The RockerA tight end that is more of a blocking tight end than pass-catching tight end.
The New MutantsA scrappy left offensive tackle with scrappiness that progresses to the point of being an anchor on the offensive line.
The Witches ‘20A technically sound left offensive guard that can work well in tandem with the next movie in this chart.
TogoA starting center that can be another real anchor on the offensive line, as well as a movie that can work well in tandem with left offensive guard The Witches ’20.
Hard To KillA starting right offensive guard that can form a formidable interior three with The Witches ’20 and Togo.

Chart 2:

MovieWhat Kind Of NFL Player Would It Be
Sweaty BettyA powerful starting right offensive tackle that can form a good offensive tackle tandem with left offensive tackle The New Mutants.
Da Five BloodsA back-up left offensive tackle that is a major downgrade from The New Mutants. Right side defensive ends will be pinning their ears back.
TrespassA starting left offensive guard if The Witches ’20 weren’t on the active 53-movie roster, as it would be a movie that would be starting with Togo and Hard To Kill along the interior three of the offensive line.
AlexanderA more than capable back-up center.
TronA scrappy back-up right offensive guard that thrives with the next movie in this chart.
Tron: LegacyA right offensive tackle that can make a good tandem with Tron on the right side of the offensive line.
Next GenA solid left defensive end that is good against the run, but doesn’t put up eye-popping sack numbers.
PreyA good defensive tackle against the run and forms a good defensive tackle tandem with the next movie in this chart.
The Suicide SquadA splash play type defensive tackle and the best pass rusher among the defensive linemen.
She’s MissingA starting right defensive end that’s dynamic one game, only to be a nonfactor for the next five games.
Last Seen AliveAn occasionally solid back-up defensive end.
Flicka 2An effort player at the defensive tackle position, but could be better suited to be a defensive end, whether as a starter or a back-up.
DukeIt’s in the same exact boat as Flicka 2.
CentigradeIt’s in the same exact boat as Last Seen Alive.
ConfinedA fifth defensive end and fifth by a wide margin, which is not a good thing.
Firehouse DogA smart and solid starting weakside linebacker.
MedievalA starting middle linebacker that is a tackling machine and the true leader of the defense.

Chart 3:

MovieWhat Kind Of NFL Player Would It Be
The 13th WarriorA starting strong side linebacker that can rush as a defensive end or a fifth pass rusher in a base 4-3 defense.
La BambaA back-up weakside linebacker, but is better suited to be a linebacker that can excel on special teams.
Independence Day: ResurgenceA back-up linebacker no matter if it’s weakside linebacker, middle linebacker or strongside linebacker.
LittleA back-up strongside and is best suited for that.
About FateA seventh linebacker that is mainly good on special teams.
Painted HorsesA feisty starting left cornerback that will never back down.
JockeyA starting free safety that would be second-in-command as the leader of the defense.
SadieA starting strong safety that would be third-in-command as the leader of the defense.
Tell Me How I DieA big and physical right side cornerback that can neutralize big wide receivers.
Benjamin TroublesA solid third cornerback.
ValkyrieA solid safety that is stuck behind two excellent starting safeties.
Cheech & Chong’s Nice DreamsA back-up strong safety that is better suited to play special teams.
Greased LightningA fourth cornerback that is creaky yet also adequate.
Daydream NationA fifth cornerback that a quarterback would pick on repeatedly.
Learning To DriveA place kicker that always responds well to adversity.
Leave No TraceAn excellent punter that can flip field position for favorably for the defense.
Black SamsonA proficient long snapper for the punt team and field goal kicking team.

As you can see via those three charts, 35 of the 53 movies are Two ThouCentennial caliber movies. However, they do not control their own destinies right now, as they will be battling 47 yet-to-be assessed movies for the right(s) to get awarded some of those last 100 overall guaranteed Two ThouCentennial spots. And given that not all 47 of those yet-to-be assessed movies won’t be ready to all be assessed at once, the futures of those 35 Two ThouCentennial caliber movies all won’t be resolved right away. But that could change for three of those movies, as Bullet Train, Fall and Where The Crawdads Sing are all predicted to fail their assessments, which will all be concluded come Thursday morning. And should those three failures happen, then that’s good news for Glass Jaw, Go Back To China and The Suicide Squad, as those are the next three movies that are favored to graduate to Tier 5. 

Tune in sometime next week to find out what happens after Bullet Train, Fall, Where The Crawdads Sing, Paws Of Fury: The Legend Of Hank, The Bad Guys, Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile and Amsterdam all get assessed.