Welcome to Kaycee And The Forefront, the weekly page where Steve Kaycee brings world issues to the forefront.
This week, Steve blogs about the seven signs that he saw, in which a sham attraction was coming to an end.
Check it out and enjoy!
“Seven Signs That The Sham Is Ending”
For those of you who don’t know when that sham crush started in my personal life, well it started 10 days before Halloween 2013, as that was the night that my so-called friend made me succumb to the personal agenda that she was very adamant about. Plus, looking at the girl that I regrettably used to like took my mind off the painful throbbing that I was feeling on the left side of my stomach, by way of my Baby Dumbo tattoo. Yeah, it was still hurting, as that day had marked two days since I had gotten that piece. And while it’s always good to have a girl that has the ability to help me take my mind off the pain of getting a tattoo, I just wish that it was some other girl that could have helped me do that. Oh well, that’s just fate being cruel and fucked up I guess.
Of course, I had some chances to end this sham sooner rather than let it linger during the year and some change, in which I said to multiple people, “I will cross paths with her again”. But instead, Myst somehow convinced me to not move on from her (that girl) in December 2013, along with the fact that I was foolishly sentimental about certain memories of her (that girl). But after seeing her kiss another guy when the year turned to 2015, I was prepared to move on from her cold turkey to go take on a more active role in building up Art Infliction. Or so I had thought, as I told Myst what happened, only for her to somehow convince me to not move on. And while Myst was trying to mean well, I slowly yet surely realized that I was better off not liking that girl as more than a friend.
The realization that I was better off not continuing that sham…err I mean like that girl as a more than a friend became an eventuality. And while the first Sunday of March 2017 was the day that liking her was completely out of my system, the decision to eventually move on collectively happened in seven stages prior to that day, thus this entry to prove that I wasn’t a guy hopelessly pining, along with the fact that this decision was really thought out. So with that being said, here are the seven stages that you know when a sham is over via the bullet points below:
- Stage One: The Safe Haven Of Work-Every time that my personal life seemed/seems to be under siege, I emphatically state to whomever that has tried to make it seem as such that I’m going to put the personal life shit on the back burner to focus on my work, whether it’s academic-oriented or employment-oriented. And every time that I did that, I seemed to be perfectly fine. During the time (all of it) in which I knew that that girl would play the “I’m busy” card on me, I took a “two can play that game” mentality, by spending most of that time to get myself in the best employment situation possible. Matter of fact, I was so dedicated to that to the point that that girl often wasn’t even a blip on my radar screen. And of course, such a harsh admission translated to the time, in which I used the beginning of my time not crossing paths with her, by starting to seriously build Art Infliction to what it is today. Usually when there’s a crisis in one’s personal life, one person or a few people will say something along the lines of “break yourself down to build yourself back up again as a person”. However, my approach to dealing with such a crisis is finding something that gives me direction and building off of that. The serious start to building Art Infliction became that for me. Matter of fact, it became that for me to the point that my dedication to it has a played a major role in my continuous growth as a person, as well as give me my safest haven yet.
- Stage Two: It’s Raining Other Women-During the time in between Myst complicating my decision and the decision finally culminating in me moving on, I interacted with quite a few other girls, whether they were just flirting with me for money or perhaps genuinely interested in me. Either way, I found each and every one of them way more pleasant to talk to than that girl. Initially, I didn’t like all the attention, due to my complicated situation blinding me. But after finding comfort in the notion of casual dating to deal with a grieving process, along with taking the advice of my friend Marcia to do as such (casually date), I became perfectly content about the eventuality of moving on from that girl.
- Stage Three: Out Of State, Mostly Out Of Mind-When you’re in the same state as the occurrences of every single crossing of paths with a certain person and no change of scenery anywhere in sight, it’s almost always hard to move on so quickly. But after getting an invite to Vermont in February 2015, I finally had that change of scenery. And while I didn’t move on back then, I did feel galvanized by the aforementioned change of scenery. Matter of fact, I felt so galvanized by that change of scenery so much that I made a return trip to that state six months after that. And I felt galvanized by that trip as well. Especially when I was in Albany, NY, as it was there that I thought, “I could see myself legit taking an interest to a girl in this city, even if it only results in casual dating”.
- Stage Four: All Energy Goes To The Dog-Early August 2016 had me completely poised to cross paths with that girl again. However, all of that energy got sucked right out of me, as my beloved dog, Suzie, got put to sleep, as her health was failing her. And given how much she (Suzie) meant to me, my focus shifted to the very difficult grieving process. Matter of fact, I was so focused on about it that that particular girl became way more of an afterthought than she was during my pursuit of new employment. Plus, the grieving process was also the first real time that I realized that maybe me liking that girl as more than a friend was actually a sham.
- Stage Five: Casual Means Comfort-The death (August 09, 2016) of Suzie overwhelmed me most of that month and all throughout the next month. Matter of fact, it was so overwhelming that it seemed as if nothing could take my mind off of it. Or so I had thought, because one thing basically did and that was having the notion of casual dating, as I didn’t want to be detached from the possibility of being involved with someone in that capacity. Plus, such a capacity could help me slowly but surely get back to where I was in my personal life before Suzie’s death, but most likely with a different and better girl.
- Stage Six: Pulling Away From The Puppet Master-In private conversations that I’ve had with about six friends, I referred to the so-called friend in both this entry and the Stop The Sham entry as a “puppet master” for trying manipulate people (such as me) to live their personal lives the same exact way that she lives hers. And of course, her “meaning well”, which was a guise for her self-righteous agenda, lulled me into passing up much better opportunities, something that I had didn’t foresee coming. However, I saw that shit for what it was in retrospect, which then led to me telling my younger biological sister that I was done with having other people’s agendas force me into how I live my personal life. And to my total delight, she said, “Yeah, do what’s best for you”. And of course, that brings us back to Marcia, whose advice that I sought about this five days after I told my biological younger sister about my decision.
- Stage Seven: In Dust I Trust-Usually when someone finally gets over someone that they used to like and/or were involved with, that someone always listens to a certain artist or group to help them through that. Or should I say almost, because I almost didn’t have a primary artist or group to help with that. However, the keyword is almost, as I decided to find out how consistently good Sevendust was/is, by listening to all of their studio album songs from their self-titled album all the way to Kill The Flaw. And as to how that all went, well they had no bad song what so ever, which is rare for any artist/group to achieve with their listeners. However, Sevendust did so with me in a span of one month and three weeks. And they did so with me to the point that listening to their music helped/helps me through all the major site update days that I deal with every so often. Plus, listening to their music became a “FUCK YOU” to the sham and all the shit that came with it. And thanks to listening to tracks 2 through 12 of the Kill The Flaw album on that first Sunday of March 2017, any inclination of giving that sham one more chance became completely erased. And give how fucked up, fake, and forced that that situation was, I guess you can say that it’s apropos that an album with the title Kill The Flaw became the final nail in that figurative coffin. Thank you, Sevendust!
Looking back on this entire sham of a situation, it’s ridiculous that it even happened let alone went on for as long as it did. But there are two silver linings, with the first being that it makes me appreciate life itself that much more, as cliché as that may sound. And as for the second one, well it once again taught me that two-facedness exists in various forms, as well as how to avoid it from here on out.
Sure, the two-face habitual assholes that I dealt with shortly before that time, as well during that time probably still bathe in their delusions of cynicism about where I am today, assuming that they do know. But like I said before, I’m not losing any sleep over that nor will I ever lose sleep over that. Plus, they can never take away my optimism about building on the progress of Art Infliction nor can they ever take away my belief of good days being ahead for my personal life.
I’m sure there are other people out there who going through situations that are similar if not exact as mine. And if any of them are reading this entry, I hope that it can give you the renewed purpose of finally moving on from whatever your toxic social situation(s) might be. And while your steps will most likely be different from the ones that I took to get to this point, I can safely bet that your life will be better for it. And if your life is better for it to the point of being happy, then that’s all that really matters. And with that being said, I genuinely hope that you get to that point one day.