83 And Possibly Out!: Part 1

On October 6, 2020, the movie assessment/re-assessment sub-project “Land Of Infusion” of the ultimate project, Two ThouCentennial (renamed that on October 3, 2021), kicked off with the assessment of the Martin Scorcese movie “The Irishman” and has continued for a year-plus up to this point. And throughout this year-plus, 851 movies have been assessed/re-assessed, with 369 (43%) of them being deemed successful. And of course, the scouting for more successful movies remains ongoing, as A) There are 19 Grandfathered In Reverse [Tier 12] movies that are primed to take 19 of the 25 revoked tentative guaranteed Two ThouCentennial spots, B) There are exactly 25 other Tier 12 movies, C) There are a combined 83 Tier 8 and Tier 11 movies that have tentative guaranteed Two ThouCentennial spots yet could have their spots revoked as well and D) Three of the four movies that are unavailable via hard copy [Tier 13] are also accessible to be assessed. Plus, there’s a Point E, which is that four additional movies were submitted to Tier 12, prior to this entry getting published, thus upping the total to 134 movies battling for 294 of the 668 tentative (eventually fully) guaranteed Two ThouCentennial spots, with that battle resuming tonight and most likely ending sometime in May or June.

Of course, the last of those 294 movies is a movie that has A) Forever redefined the entire landscape of the Two ThouCentennial Project without even getting a full-on assessment yet and B) Become the most anticipated movie that is up for assessment/re-assessment, ever. And as to what that movie is, well it’s the 1994 made-for-TV movie, Saved By The Bell: Wedding In Las Vegas. And as to why this movie is getting such pre-assessment buzz, well any situation (a pending wedding) with Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) and Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani-Amber Thiessen) together at the forefront is the pinnacle, hands down.

Of course, being saved (no pun intended) as the best for last, especially with 25 revoked tentative guaranteed Two ThouCentennial spots up for grabs, could doom a movie more times than not in making the Project. But given that this saved movie is a movie that pretty much has a spot reserved in making the aforementioned Project via reputation alone, the perceived narrative of it being “all hype yet nothing to show for it afterwards” is/most likely a false narrative. Plus, even before the combined 83 Tier 8 and Tier 11 (movies that have been seen before) all get re-assessed, the movie, the aforementioned Saved By The Bell: Wedding In Las Vegas, that’s favored to dethrone Babe as Two ThouCentennial’s number one movie, is clearly an upgrade over all of them. And with that being said, that begs the question, “Regardless of Saved By The Bell: Wedding In Las Vegas, how likely are the chances of the combined 83 Tier 8 and Tier 11 movies all making the Project?”. Well, you can find the predicted outcome of each movie via the four charts below, with Chart 1 listing 23 movies and Charts 2 through 4 listing 20 movies each.

**Note: Some of these predictions have spoilers in them

Chart #1

MoviePredicted Outcome
Date And SwitchMichael (Nicholas Braun) and his usage of saliva as an ingredient for a chocolate cake towards the end of this movie ruins something that otherwise has constant social redemption throughout, therefore it will re-join the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page.
Out ColdThis movie could be good as a “nerve-calmer” that can be watched directly before anything Zack & Kelly related or anything else that’s a movie of Top-100 quality.
CommandoIt’s clearly better than Total Recall ’90, as both this movie and that movie are Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. However, it will likely return to the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page, as Alyssa Milano’s role in Who’s The Boss? clearly blows this movie right out of the water.
ThunderballThis James Bond movie bizarrely got a remake (Never Say Never Again) and with the same actor (the late Sean Connery) at that. And based on that, plus it being a feeble follow-up to Goldfinger, it will re-join four other James Bond movies (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Octopussy, A View To A Kill, Casino Royale) on the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page.
New Jersey DriveIt can be a good complimentary movie to any of Jennifer Lopez’s top three (Blood And Wine, Money Train, Selena) Two ThouCentennial movies. Plus, it can give TK Kirkland a chance to be a part of Two ThouCentennial lore.
Mr. WoodcockThe title alone sounds bad. However, it could be redeemed by some of its Midwest charm.
With HonorsThis movie has both Scent Of A Woman and School Ties vibes about it, which makes its shot at making the Project questionable at best right now.
The FighterOn one hand, all the arguing of women with Massachusetts accents in that one scene can be a bit much. But on the other hand, this movie can work well in tandem with either 42 or Conviction, two enshrined Two ThouCentennial movies.
The Lord Of The RingsThe cartoon version, which came out in 1978, could be perfect to watch right after something that’s Zack & Kelly related. But will its open-ended ending once again doom this movie in making the Project?
The LadykillersTom Hanks’ evil Colonel Sanders look is worthy of a re-assessment alone. But the dumbing down of Ryan Hurst, given his excellent performance in Remember The Titans, could doom its chances of making the Project.
The Brothers SolomonThis movie does have some heart. But does it have enough heart, plus total execution, in making the Project?
Atlantis: The Lost EmpireThis movie has some gross-out dialogue. Plus, it got worse as it went on during its October 11, 2017 assessment. Will its re-assessment be any different?
BeastlyThis movie is a cheap adult version of Beauty And The Beast. Plus, anything that either of the Olsen twins touch turns to absolute garbage. 
The Infiltrator This movie has a meandering pace just like Donnie Brasco, a movie that was just re-added to the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page, prior to this entry being written. 
Clerks IIIts predecessor is back on the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page. And given what happens with a donkey, along with the shameful utilization of the name “Kelly”, it will rejoin its aforementioned predecessor.
Rules Don’t ApplyUntil a better Warren Beatty movie is found, this movie will be an unrestricted free agent.
I Saw The LightGiven that the Hank Williams was so iconic, the chances of this movie passing its re-assessment are probable.
Stealing BeautyLiv Tyler’s edgy presence throughout this movie could it be a part of Two ThouCentennial lore.
G-ForcePenelope Cruz’s shrill saying of “G-Force” alone could doom this movie’s chances at rejoining the Project.
Any Which Way You CanThis movie passing its re-assessment helps the future of its predecessor, Every Which Way But Loose. However, that likelihood remains unknown.
Jimi: All Is By My SideIf Andre Benjamin’s voice sounds exactly like or anything close to the late Jimi Hendrix, then this movie will join the Project.
Air BudMovies about dogs usually have a great chance at making the Project. However, a dog playing on a school basketball team with human boys jumps the shark way too much.
Air Bud: Golden ReceiverSame deal as the movie above, except this one is about football.

Chart #2

MoviePredicted Outcome
Dear EleanorTacking on the escape of an Alcatraz inmate in this movie somewhat unnecessarily prolongs the 1979 Clint Eastwood movie. However, it could be saved by its otherwise consistent charm.
The Shaggy DogKristin Davis is by far the hottest of the four Sex And The City women. And while she has Couples Retreat in the Project, along with being on the verge of also having Deck The Halls in the Project, there’s no such thing as too much of her in the Project.
Step BrothersThe white-colored dog excrement alone could doom this movie’s chances at joining the Project.
Freaky FridayThis Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsey Lohan co-starred remake could work well in tandem with Knocked Up.
Band AidThis movie’s weird ending could have it re-join the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page.
BaltoThe combo based on a true story and sequels aspect could put this movie in the weird place that Jarhead is currently in.
John CarterThis movie’s fate in the Project is predicated on its open-ended ending.
Martian ChildOther than Con Air, Igor and Lee Daniels’ The Butler, John Cusack has had a futile run of movies trying to make the Project. Perhaps the potential charm of this movie could end that drought.
A Lot Like LoveAn investigation into the ending of this movie will be conducted after its re-assessment.
The Water DivinerA plot investigation of this movie will be conducted after its re-assessed a second time.
BlankmanThis movie is no Mo’ Money (a Damon Wayans movie that passed its most recent re-assessment in early-August 2021), nor is it Major Payne (a Damon Wayans movie with a lot of charm). However, it could fill the “Boomerang” void of the Project, as it has a similar vibe to the 1992 movie.
Hunter KillerThe “all over the place” style of this movie begs the question of it being worthy of a re-assessment or not, only for that question to be answered via the talented cast that it has. But will the latter of the two be enough?
Absolute PowerThe movies that Clint Eastwood has both starred in and directed have made the Project at a 67% clip. Will this movie improve upon that percentage?
Steal Big, Steal LittleThis movie got assessed around the same time that Black Rain (another Andy Garcia movie, which is also an enshrined Two ThouCentennial movie) did. Will it join the 1989 movie in Two ThouCentennial lore?
The SuperThis Joe Pesci-starred movie could be a good complimentary movie to Empire.
Bird On A WireGoldie Hawn only has one that has made the Project in Wildcats, which was the very first ever Two ThouCentennial evaluation. Maybe her teamed with Mel Gibson, an actor that has managed to make his movies watchable, will change that.
Smart PeopleThis movie failed in its assessment. Will it do better the second time around?
When In RomeThis Kristen Bell movie could outrank The Boss, an enshrined Two ThouCentennial movie. It’s just matter of it giving off the right vibe.
White HeatCan the tame 1940s dialogue fit in with the more free-wheeling dialogue that has accumulated in the Project? A re-assessment between now and March 9 will provide the answer.
The Public EnemyIf White Heat passes its re-assessment, then this movie should be in the Project as well.

Chart #3

MoviePredicted Outcome
EvolutionThis movie got worse as it went on during its assessment. Will it be different this time around?
King Of New YorkJust like Glory, every character of every main actor seems to die in this movie. But will it join the 1989 masterpiece in the Two ThouCentennial rankings?
CollisionThe bad guy getting away at the end could send this movie back to the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page.
The Art Of The StealThere is no such thing as too much Katheryn Winnick in the Project. However, will this movie show something different in having a complete feel to it or not?
The Year Of Living DangerouslyThis movie meandered during its re-assessment. Will it be different this time around?
The OrangesThe bizarre pay-offs for each character could be a too little bizarre in this movie to make the Project.
Appaloosa This movie’s musical score is annoying throughout. Plus, it’s inferior to two other late 2000s western movies in Seraphim Falls and 3:10 To Yuma.
London FieldsA movie with both Amber Heard and Johnny Depp? That’s a recipe for disaster!
5 Days Of WarRade Serbedzija has had two of his period piece movies in Fugitive Pieces and The Promise both rescued from the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page. Will this movie be the third one?
City Of IndustryIs this movie dynamic enough to make the Project?
American PastoralThis movie has a bit of an incomplete feel to it. Plus, Jennifer Connelly is a little too over-the-top in her role as Dawn Levov.
Duck SoupThis movie is the most well-known Marx Brothers movie. But can it fit in with all the cool that Two ThouCentennial exudes?
Surviving The GameA dog and a pig both dying in this movie could be a little too much for a Project that currently has Babe ranked number one.
The Game PlanThe Rock as a quarterback, Paige Turco’s acting and the constant singing of “Burning Love” is a trifecta that works against this movie’s attempt at getting back into the Project.
Juwanna MannMrs. Doubtfire meets basketball, which sounds funny on the surface level. But this movie could be worse than Boat Trip, as both this movie and that movie are Vivica A. Fox movies.
The Battle Of Shaker HeightsThis movie could work well in an evaluation line-up that has Molly’s Game. However, it also does have a bit of an incomplete feel to it.
The Dead UndeadThe teasing of a sequel, the post-credits outtake and the fact that this movie is worse than the 2012 movie “Gone” could send it back to the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page.
PaybackThis movie could be re-assessed directly or almost directly after something that is Zack & Kelly related.
ZambeziaComputer-animated movies are usually successful in their re-assessments. Will that trend apply to this movie?
Ghostbusters IIThis movie’s predecessor is back on the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page, and will re-join it sometime between now and the full-on assessment of the aforementioned Saved By The Bell: Wedding In Las Vegas 

Chart #4

MoviePredicted Outcome
InvincibleIf the baseball movie “The Rookie” can make the Project, then this movie should as well.
King Solomon’s MinesThe dance sequence towards the end of this movie gives it an incomplete feel. 
Amos & AndrewThe stupidity of Amos Odell at the end of this movie is so appalling that it’s insulting to even consider having it back in the Project. And that’s something, because Idiocracy is one of the 1,432 fully guaranteed Two ThouCentennial movies.
PalmettoA full-on re-assessment will be the only thing that will determine this movie’s future in the Project.
The Ice HarvestThis movie is yet another that will join the long list of John Cusack failures.
The ManFrom the standpoint of a Samuel L. Jackson and Anthony Mackie collaboration, this movie is inferior to Freedomland. However, Rachel Crawford deserves to have a movie of hers in the Project, as the eye candy actress of Between Brothers fame is also in this movie.
Mr. 3000Angela Bassett is miscast as Bernie Mac’s love interest, thus the reason why this movie will be back on the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page.
Celtic PrideMike and Jimmy planning to kidnap Deion Sanders at the end of this movie defeats the whole purpose of the positive pay-off between the dim-witted duo and Lewis.
Pretty WomanOther than Hachi: A Dog’s Tale and An Officer And A Gentleman, Richard Gere has had bad luck in having movies of his make the Project. Perhaps this movie will join those two in the Project.
Double TakeThe song that has the lyrics “I want nobody but you” plays in both this movie and Boat Trip. And that’s a problem, because Boat Trip could be better than this movie.
TRON: LegacyThis movie’s predecessor meandered, thus that movie dooming its chances of making the Project.
The Last MarshalThis movie could be a good opponent for Lima: Breaking The Silence in a spot-fill tournament.
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The WardrobeSee the reason why two spots from now.
The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince CaspianSee the reason why one spot from now.
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Voyage Of The Dawn TreaderThe kind of incomplete feel that this movie gives off hurts its chances, as well as the chances of its two predecessors.
The Hunger GamesJennifer Lawrence in under-the-radar stuff, such as Winter’s Bone, is where she’s at her best. However, her acclaimed stuff, such as this over-hyped movie and the dud that was Don’t Look Up, are reasons why she doesn’t get anywhere close to the amount of opportunities that the likes of Anna Camp and the aforementioned Tiffani-Amber Thiessen get.
The Hunger Games: Catching FireSee one spot above.
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1See two spots above.
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 2See three spots above.
Running ScaredThe cast that this movie boasts and the constant edge that it has edge both make it worthy of a re-assessment. However, will its ending have a complete feel to it or not?

Well, there you have it, the predicted outcomes of those 83 movies above. And other than about nine or ten of those movies, the rest of them will pretty much hand the aforementioned Saved By The Bell: Wedding In Las Vegas opportunity upon opportunity to become awarded with one of their revoked tentative guaranteed Two ThouCentennial spots. And of course, that’s not quite all because in addition, there will be a bit more in 83 And Possibly Out!: Part 2. So in other words, to be continued.